Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, excessive need for praise and admiration, fragile sense of self-esteem, and lack of empathy for others. These personality traits may lead a narcissist to drag a divorce out as long as possible, causing it to be extremely time consuming and frustrating. This blog discusses what you need to know when divorcing a narcissist and how you can help minimize the aggravation they will attempt to cause during the divorce.
No one wants to litigate issues in court only to have the judge rule in the other parties’ favor. However, a narcissist possesses personality traits that may cause them to go to any lengths to win. Their sense of superiority and entitlement, combined with low self esteem means that losing is not an option. The narcissists may use various strategies during the divorce, all of which may not be intended solely to obtain a ruling in their favor. Winning can also mean that they have caused you emotional and financial distress, maintained control over you by keeping you married to them, or made it appear as if you were at fault for any marital disputes or the breakdown of the marriage.
You can expect your narcissist spouse to turn the courtroom into a battleground, where they will tell made-up stories to annoy you, ruin your reputation, and get whatever they want; which is anything they believe will hurt you. They may blatantly lie under oath, even when the allegations can be proven to be false (Psychology Today), refuse to comply with requests for documents and information, and take every opportunity they can to delay the proceedings, such as requesting continuances they do not need, failing to appear for hearings, and filing endless motions that require a response and/or a hearing. Narcissists may also attempt to get friends and family to take their side “against” you or use social media to present themselves as a victim and you as abusive, mentally ill, or suffering from a drug or alcohol addiction. Anything they can do to show the world that they are right and you are wrong, they may do.
If you have children, your spouse will almost certainly use them as pawns in their attempt to “win” the divorce. A narcissist will do this by fighting for custody, not because they want custody of the children, but because you do. They may also tell the children lies in order to turn them against you (Legal Scoops) or make them believe that you have neglected or abused them. Making false allegations of abuse or neglect in court, taking every opportunity to deny the other parent access to the children, even in violation of a court order, and using the children to create issues requiring court intervention are also tactics that may be used by a party with narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists are known to file endless motions and requests for hearings (Psych Central) about any matter involving the children such as missed parenting time, access to school or health records, the provision of clothing during parenting time, and extracurricular and school activities. These minor, or non-existent, issues are meant to drag out the proceedings, keep their spouse married to them and under their control, and allow them to play victim (Choosing Therapy) for the audience in the courtroom.
There are some things that you can do to help minimize the conflict and drama that your spouse may cause during divorce proceedings. The first is to copy or photograph all financial account statements, insurance policy coverage information, tax records, and any other documents
Narcissism is a personality disorder characterized by an inflated sense of self-importance, excessive need for praise and admiration, fragile sense of self-esteem, and lack of empathy for others. These personality traits may lead a narcissist to drag a divorce out as long as possible, causing it to be extremely time consuming and frustrating. This blog discusses what you need to know when divorcing a narcissist and how you can help minimize the aggravation they will attempt to cause during the divorce.
No one wants to litigate issues in court only to have the judge rule in the other parties’ favor. However, a narcissist possesses personality traits that may cause them to go to any lengths to win. Their sense of superiority and entitlement, combined with low self esteem means that losing is not an option. The narcissists may use various strategies during the divorce, all of which may not be intended solely to obtain a ruling in their favor. Winning can also mean that they have caused you emotional and financial distress, maintained control over you by keeping you married to them, or made it appear as if you were at fault for any marital disputes or the breakdown of the marriage.
You can expect your narcissist spouse to turn the courtroom into a battleground, where they will tell made-up stories to annoy you, ruin your reputation, and get whatever they want; which is anything they believe will hurt you. They may blatantly lie under oath, even when the allegations can be proven to be false (Psychology Today), refuse to comply with requests for documents and information, and take every opportunity they can to delay the proceedings, such as requesting continuances they do not need, failing to appear for hearings, and filing endless motions that require a response and/or a hearing. Narcissists may also attempt to get friends and family to take their side “against” you or use social media to present themselves as a victim and you as abusive, mentally ill, or suffering from a drug or alcohol addiction. Anything they can do to show the world that they are right and you are wrong, they may do.
If you have children, your spouse will almost certainly use them as pawns in their attempt to “win” the divorce. A narcissist will do this by fighting for custody, not because they want custody of the children, but because you do. They may also tell the children lies in order to turn them against you (Legal Scoops) or make them believe that you have neglected or abused them. Making false allegations of abuse or neglect in court, taking every opportunity to deny the other parent access to the children, even in violation of a court order, and using the children to create issues requiring court intervention are also tactics that may be used by a party with narcissistic personality disorder. Narcissists are known to file endless motions and requests for hearings (Psych Central) about any matter involving the children such as missed parenting time, access to school or health records, the provision of clothing during parenting time, and extracurricular and school activities. These minor, or non-existent, issues are meant to drag out the proceedings, keep their spouse married to them and under their control, and allow them to play victim (Choosing Therapy) for the audience in the courtroom.
There are some things that you can do to help minimize the conflict and drama that your spouse may cause during divorce proceedings. The first is to copy or photograph all financial account statements, insurance policy coverage information, tax records, and any other documents containing information about the marital assets. You should also make sure that you have the original title to any vehicle with your name on it, your birth certificate, social security card, passport, or any other proof of identity or ownership document you have, as your spouse is unlikely to cooperate in producing this information or turning over any documents later. If there are photographs, video recordings, or any other items that you might need to use as evidence in the divorce, make sure that you have them in a place where your spouse cannot destroy or otherwise keep them from you.
During the divorce proceedings, be sure that you document every interaction (Psychology Today) you have with your spouse. Save all texts and emails, keep a notebook with dates and details of conversations, make audio or video recordings, and take photographs. Do not engage in discussions or arguments about your relationship or attempt to defend yourself against any false allegations. Remember, narcissists enjoy creating drama and causing distress for those who disagree with them. You may be able to deescalate the situation by refusing to show concern about your spouse’s false accusations or to participate in their theatrics.
Finally, when divorcing a narcissist, you need an attorney experienced in high conflict divorces. A spouse who has narcissistic personality disorder will not make a divorce easy or one that you can handle without a lawyer. This blog was written by attorneys at Ciyou & Associates, P.C. It is for general educational purposes. The blog is not intended to be relied upon for any legal matter or issue. The blog is not legal advice. This is an advertisement.
