Custody can be the most contentious issue for many couples during a divorce. It is not uncommon for a parent to think of custody as a win-lose situation where not winning means permanently surrendering their child and abandoning any relationship they have had with the child. Add to that mental health concerns, a controlling personality, drug or alcohol addiction, or hurt feelings as a result of the end of the marriage and you have the perfect recipe for a magnitude of custody issues. This blog explores the different ways of navigating custody issues during divorce so that you can heal and begin to move forward with your life and your child can experience the least amount of stress and trauma possible.
A typical custody issue during and after divorce is scheduling. It is much easier to remember who has to be where, on which day and at what time when living in the same household together. No longer will informing your spouse of yours or your child’s schedule via a calendar on the kitchen wall or sticky note on the fridge suffice. A quick text to alert your child’s other parent of events or activities seems easy enough, however, sorting through all those “quick texts” in order to create some type of visual calendar system which also shows the parenting time schedule, appointments, work schedules, and drop off and pick up times and information can easily turn into a nightmare. Despite this obstacle, many parents are easily coordinating schedules from different households using one of several websites or apps created specifically for parents attempting to co-parent from separate homes.
OurFamilyWizard is a co-parenting app offered for $12.50 to $18.00 a month, with military discounts and a fee waiver program for those in financial need. Some of the apps features include messaging with time stamps and real time tone meter, shared calendaring, voice and video calling, notes, videos, journaling, shared expense tracking and payment, and GPS check in for child exchanges. Looking for a free alternative? AppClose is a free to download and free to use co-parenting app allowing parents to share multi-functional calendars with each other, family members, and child care providers. The app also features audio and video calling, time stamped messages and group chats, reimbursement requests and payment for shared expenses, and file sharing options. These apps can help parents eliminate many custody issues without having any direct contact with one another, aside from recorded and date and time stamped messages, requests, and file uploads.
Another common child custody issue that can arise during divorce concerns the timing of the pick-up and the drop off. Whether meeting at a police station or in a parking lot or picking up and dropping off at the other parents home, it is important to communicate with your child’s other parent about possible late arrivals and to be understanding when the child is returned to you later than expected. It can help to think about this way; if you were still living with your spouse as husband and wife and they came home late with the child, would it really matter? If you would not have been concerned about your child being out later than expected with their child’s other parent before, perhaps you should not be concerned about it now.
Many divorcing parents not only find it difficult to determine if there really is an issue that should be discussed or reported, but are unsure to whom they should report custody issues. These parents commonly call their attorney, the department of child services and/or the police every time their child’s other parent refuses to abide by court ordered custody and parenting time schedules or is late to pick up or drop off the child. Keeping a journal to log late pick ups and drop offs as well as refusals to allow parenting time is never a bad idea, however, the journal can be turned over to your attorney when needed and you can save the time you might otherwise spend calling to report each and every incident. As for calling the police; do not do this. A parent failing or refusing to abide by a custody and parenting time order is not a matter for the police and should be resolved in the court where the divorce was filed through contempt proceedings. On the same note, the department of child services is not interested in your child’s other parents tardiness for child exchanges and noting or keeping information on these matters is not a part of the department’s job unless you have a current open case with child services.
Parties having difficulties navigating custody issues during divorce should work together to resolve each matter as it comes along. If this simply cannot be done, keep a notebook, log, or journal of each issue encountered, how you attempted to resolve the matter, and what the outcome was. Your attorney can then review the information all together and determine if the journal should be used as evidence at trial.
This blog was written by attorneys at Ciyou & Associates, P.C. It is for general educational purposes. The blog is not intended to be relied upon for any legal matter or issue. The blog is not legal advice. This is an advertisement.
